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Drag Race Episode 1
fugly drag race -ruba's drag race theme starts playing as a montage of what's coming up in the season plays alongside it- -lots of pussies are flashing, wigs being snatched, tea being spilled and faces being painted- The queen R walks up in her diamond studded white, floor-length ballgown, and platinum blonde wig with her face painted for the back row. "welcome to ruba's drag drace, and may the baddest bitch, WIN!" the scene fades into the workroom as our first drag quen walks in, she looks like a fucking skank, showing off some whore realness, wearing only a piece of rope around her love muffin and nips. "hrey cunt heads" she shouts before realising no one is there, but still does a death drop for her fans, cracking her head open and dislocating her knee on the way down, but she still continues, tweeting out "#SURVIVOR". "Hi, I'm Lily Summers, i'm 20 years old and i'm from Zamibia." --Lily Profile-- Drag Name: Lily Summers Real Name: Timothy Crabapple Age: 20 Inspirations: Liliana Bruno, Tentacle Porn and Britney Spears (during her mental breakdown) Lily sits her raggedy ass down, her flabby cheeks slapping against the stool, engulfing it whole. She clocks a new bitch walking into the room, looking and smelling fishy as hell. her heels clack against the floor, her penis is tucked, taped to the top of her spine. she's wearing a red ballgown from the poolaalaa collection and a ginger wig she stole from drag sensation - 'fundog'. she pulls a ciggy out of her asshole and lights it up before puffing smoke in lily's face "hey bich my name is Kitty Titz" she stubs the cigarette on Lily's forehead, before taking a seat next to her. "Hi, I'm Kitty Titz, I'm 34 years old and I'm from Nicaragua." --Kitty Profile-- Drag name: Kitty Titz Real Name: Becca Looiouoiijienienienen Age:34 Inspirations: Pussy, Cats, The Netherlands. As Kitty Titz adjusts her ting tangs, another queen makes her dominatrix enterance. She's wearing a black leather skin-tight one-piece, with knee high hooker boots and mid-part pink wig thinking she is nicki minaj, she twerks her way up to the other queens. "YOU BITCHES BETTUH STAND BACK DERES A REBLE IN YA MIDST MMM YASS HUNTIES SLAY SLAY SLAY SLAY TWERK SLAY YASS HUNTY YASS". Kitty raises an eyebrow as Lily Summers queefs so hard it knocks out the annoying bitch. "My name is Rhonda Loofa, i'm a rebel at heart and i love big fat juicy lemons" --Rhonda's Profile-- Drag Name: Rhonda Loofa Real Name: Trae Rebel Heart Reloaded Age: 22 Inspirations: Azaelia Banks, Being a bad bitch, Anarchy Just as the queef wafts round the room, the resident spooky bitch makes her enterance, her wig wirey like pubes and whites than milk, wearing a white long dress covered in fake blood and calling it art. She just stands and stares at the other queens as a second queen enters, running into the spooky bitch, knocking her over. "GET OUT MY FUCKING WAY BITCH CAUSE THIS SEASON IS GON' BE SICKENING" she makes a langanja-esque death drop to the ground, stealing Lily Summers' spotlight. The spooky bitch throws a knife at her. "BACK THE FUCK OFF IM THE FUTURE OF DRAG, BABE" "Hi, I'm Clara Redwing, and I'm the fucking FUTURE of drag don't forget it, faggots." --Clara's Profile-- Drag Name: Clara Redwing Real Name: Nathan Jean Anderson Age: 24 Inspirations: Murder, Sharon Needles and Big black dick "Hi, I'm Lola Luncheon, I'm Filipino and I love our lord and saviour Jesus" --Lola's Profile-- Drag Name: Lola Luncheon Real Name: Maya Dornas Age:21 Inspirations: Lola, Glee Wiki Update Team and Lollipops/Sunshine One by one all the queens make their entereance showing some fishy realness, threwing shade and finger their assholes. "YOU GOT SHE-MAIL" can be heard from the other side of the room as the queens get up, scattering towards the screen. "Have you ever felt like your vagina stinks? because it does. also kashear doesnt want u at her perty." the video ends and the queens look at eachother in confusion as ruba makes her way into the work room, out of drag and all the queens scream and finger themselves violently. "Hey ladies, so this week you will all need to creat an iconic pop-bitch look and sport it on the run way - from scratch good luck dolls." Ruba blows multiple kisses and backflips out of the room as a queen wearing a dildo in her wig begins to break down and cry and be emotional. "i have a v sad backstory with sewing i just cant do it!!!!" she breaks down, as the scene fades into an emotional ballet solo of the queen throwing dildos and dancing to swan lake in a tutu, dancing like a goth at a rave. "My name's Susie Shitsreak and i have real bad IBS it's very emotional" --Susie's profile-- Drag Name: Susie Shitsreak Real Name: Liliana Brano Age: 25 Inspirations: Sex Toys, Adore Delano and Crusty minge Another queen walks up to Susie as she lays in the ground "OH NO YOU BETTAH DONT" she screams before dragging her fake ass to her feet. "YOU A FUCKING FAKE BITCH JUST GET YO FUCKING WORK DONE GIRL JEEZ" she goes to walk away as Susie snatches her dollar wig, throwing it in the trash. "YOU BITCH". "My name's Barbie Buckfast and I love big dick" --Barbie's profile-- Drag Name: Barbie Buckfast Real Name: Joseph Sweeting Age: 27 Inspirations: Alcohol, Partying, Anal One queen just sits silently in the corner, working her ass off, being normal. "Hi I'm Cleopatra Deo Boer and I'm a fucking QUEEN." --Cleopatra's Profile-- Drag Name: Cleopatra De Boer Real Name: Kyle Oglove Age: 30 Inspirations: History, Meryl Streep (and any gay icons) and Accidental Lesbian Encounters Everyone begins to finish their costumes as more sexy drama ensues. "k hunties i wasnt gonna bring this up but i remember you, Barbara and you stole my fucking crown that i won, you CUNT!". --in confession booth-- "I hate the bitch, she stole my crown from that pageant i won two years ago, i was a fucking icon and now im a sham." --back in workroom-- "FUCK YOU, COURTNEY ACT WANNA-BE BITCH YOU DESERVED IT YOU STOLE MY GOLDFISH, CUNTY" "Hi, My name is Ginger Vitis, I'm sweeter than candy and i'll murder your ass if you fucking stand in my way, bitch." --Ginger's Profile-- Drag Name: Ginger Vitis Real Name: Happy Bruhzvel Age: 29 Inspirations: Ginger Minj, Ginger Minge and Gingers "Hi, I'm Barbara Bobpin, and I love stealing shit." --Barbara's Profile-- Drag Name: Barbara Bobpin Real Name: Matthew Dames Age: 26 Inspirations: Nathan Jean, Sims 4 and Tumblr The queens all make their way onto the runway, one by one, showcasing their sexy outfits Queen 1 - Ginger Vitis as Kesha. She wore a sexy soultry black dress and stuck a slice of pizza in her wig, covering her dres in fake vomit and acting like a drunk hooker down the runway. "I'm feeling sexy, I'm feeling autotuned and i'm working some #trashy realness, babes." Queen 2 - Lola Luncheon as Lola. She sports a sexy tracksuit, wearing her finest wig and some hoop earrings, eating a taco bell, twerking down the runway. "I'm just feeling the Lola vibe babes xo" Queen 3 - Rhonda Loofa as Beyonce. She wears a black swimsuit as a leotard and a silver glove on one hand, doing the single ladies dance down the runway. Her contour makes her nose look like a sword fish and gives her some sexy 5-o'clock shadow "am so #rebel lol" Queen 4 - Kalison Kimanda as Kalison Kimanda. She just wore her boring-ass clothes and acted like a bad bitch. "I'm amazing." -She sips her starbucks- Queen 5 - Lady Ratchet as Lana Del Rey. She's looking like Lana's twin and working the runway with her soultry realness, flashing a bit of fanny at judges Ruba, Fundog2 and Salute. "I'm better than these bitches" Queen 6 - Barbie Buckfast as Paris Hilton. She wears her best blonde wig and whoriest outfit, dragging her stuffed chihuahua behind her and wearing her 9783 designer handbags. Queen 7 - Clara Redwing as Florence Nightingale. She comes out wearing her sexy nurse realness and fingers herself infront of the judges. She isn't even a pop bitch and completely defies the rules. Queen 8 - Lily Summers as Victoria Porkchop Parker. She eats woodchips and queefs the whole way down the running, stuffing her dress to make her fat. Queen 9- Kitty Titz as Kim Kardashian. She copies Gia Gunn's kardashian impression exactly, and not in a good way. Queen 10 - Bayonse as Bayonse. She wears a mask of nekci menij character bayonse and calls it art. Queen 11 - Cher Noble as Mummy Tamm in highschool wearing her japanese school girl porno uniform Queen 12 - Cleopatra De Boer as Meryl Streep. She wears an exact replica of the witches outfit from the Into The Woods film adaption and looks fierce as hell. Queen 13 - Annie Jenner as Blake Jenner. Just wrong. Queen 14 - Susie Shitstreak as Dora The Explorer. Susie wears a dora-esque wig and nothing else except a backpack with googly eyes. Queen 15 - Barbara Bobpin as Barbara Streisand. She wears a fake huge nose and sings Funny Girl 80 times in a row before someone escorts her off stage by tasering her. Queen 16 - Carrie Magee as Carrie Underwood. She sports some southern hick realness, painting her face with cow patty and wearing some condoms as a dress. "Well, that certainly was...interesting. Anyway, Carrie Magee, Barbara Bobpin, Cher Noble, Bayonse, Kalison Kimanda, Lola Luncheon, Lady Ratchet and Barbie Buckfast. You're safe." "Oh, and for you remaning ladies... Tonight is a double elimination. Three people will lip synch for their lives. Good luck." " Cleopatra, Candragulations you are the winner of this week's challenge. You have won a free trip to Canada, enjoy babe." "Susie. You're safe." Susie twerks to the back row. "Ginger, you're safe." "Kitty, you're safe." "Annie, I'm sorry my dear, but you are in the bottom three and have to lip song for your life." "You too, Rhonda cunty." "Lily, You're safe, which means, Clara my dear, lip song or die" They all lip song to 'Covergirl' by ruba and annie falls, breaking her vagina. "Well that was shit, but Clara you were less shit, shante you stay." Clara farts so hard she shits herself and runs away crying. "fuck off you two." says ruba as annie and rhonda run and cry in humiliation leave anon hate on the mirror for those bitches. "if u cunt lvu urslef how in the heck u gonna lvu some1 else can i get an amen?" "AMEN" Category:Drag Race